The Mystery Kids in: Night of the Living IRC Logs!
by Anderson Steel
Summary: A peek into the exciting, secret world of the Mystery Kids! Witness the secret online chatroom discussions between the greater Oregon area's finest mystery team! Secrets will be revealed! Features characters from Psychonauts, Gravity Falls, Paranorman and Coraline. Contains mature language/themes.


[Checking Client...]

[Running data...]

[Gathering personal info...]

[Selling personal info to Vietnamese Crime Syndicate...]

[Pedantic nonsense complete! Welcome to Rizon!]

[Entering channel: #MysteryKids]

[Entering Password: ******]

Welcome to #MysteryKids! The private IRC group for the American Pacific Northwest Paranormal Investigation Association! Sometimes called "The Mystery Kids" or seldomly "The Spook Crew." Notice I wrote _private. _This channel is _exclusive _to members of the Mystery Kids society. If you did not receive your entry password _**personally **_from an official member of the password committee (Dipper Pines, Coraline Jones, Norman Babcock) you are _**NOT **_allowed in!

[Topic Set by user [DPines] one week ago.]

[TPG-Raz has logged on.]

[TPG-Lili has logged on.]

[TPG-Raz]: Is it working?

[TPG-Raz]: Did it work?

[TPG-Raz]: Are we in the server?

[TPG-Lili]: Yeah Raz.

[TPG-Lili]: It worked.

[TPG-Raz]: Super cool! :D

[TPG-Lili]: Yeah. Uh huh. Cool.

[TPG-Raz]: C'mon Lil-lil, can't 'ya get more excited than that? :/

[TPG-Lili]: Sorry, Raz. Joining up some backwater group on an outdated chat client isn't very exciting for me.

[TPG-Raz]: Well it is for me!

[TPG-Raz]: Lili, think about it:

[TPG-Raz]: This isn't JUST a chat group.

[TPG-Raz]: It's the **OFFICIAL** Mystery Kids _secret _chat client!

[TPG-Raz]: Our club has it's own secret message board! How can you not think that's the coolest thing ever?

[TPG-Lili]: Meh

[TPG-Raz]: Think about it

[TPG-Raz]: Every major organization in history has had it's own secret meetings.

[TPG-Raz]: The Vaticant.

[TPG-Raz]: The Freemasons.

[TPG-Raz]: The Mafia.

[TPG-Raz]: The Internation Game Developers Assocation.

[TPG-Lili]: Why on earth would you think those are positive examples?

[TPG-Raz]: Anyway, where is everybody?

[TPG-Raz]: I'm looking at the list of online members

[TPG-Raz]: And I'm seeing DPines, Norman, and CJones.

[TPG-Raz]: They all have "OP" and "AFK" is right next to their names.

[TPG-Raz]: What does that mean?

[TPG-Lili]: "AFK" means "Away from Keyboard." It means they're online but idling. "OP" means "Operative." That means they run the channel. It's common for channel owners/moderators to stay online even when they aren't logged in.

[TPG-Raz]: Ah, thanks.

[TPG-Raz]: Where'd you learn all this?

[TPG-Lili]: It's kinda basic internet stuff.

[TPG-Raz]: Well the internet is still kind of a new thing for me so go easy on me, please?

[TPG-Lili]: Alright, sorry.

[TPG-Raz]: Wow, so we're the first ones online, huh?

[TPG-Lili]: Looks like it.

[TPG-Raz]: What do you wanna do until the others show up?

[TPG-Lili]: Pft, I dunno.

[TPG-Lili]: We could just talk.

[TPG-Lili]: You and me.

[TPG-Raz]: Yeah, but we do that every day.

[TPG-Lili]: Well, maybe we could cyber. Maybe do some ERP?

[TPG-Lili]: ;)

[TPG-Lili]: hehehe

[TPG-Raz]: Cyber? ERP?

[TPG-Lili]: You don't know what those are, do you?

[TPG-Raz]: I can google it.

[TPG-Lili]: (snicker) go right ahead!

[TPG-Raz]: NOOOOO :O

[TPG-Lili]: Tehehehehehe :P

[TPG-Raz]: S'wrong with you, Lil-Lil?

[TPG-Lili]: Hehehehehe

[TPG-Raz]: But seriously

[TPG-Raz]: How are we gonna pass time?

[TPG-Lili]: I dunno

[TPG-Raz]: Ooh! I know!

[TPG-Raz]: I could dig up some funny YouTube videos and we can watch them together!

[TPG-Lili]: Um

[TPG-Lili]: I'm kind of listening to music right now

[TPG-Lili]: On loop.

[TPG-Raz]: Ooh, what song? What genre?

[TPG-Lili]: Dark ambient.

[TPG-Lili}: And it's kind of a whole album, actually.

[TPG-Lili]: **[Extrenal Link - YouTube: Necrophorus - Underneath The Spirit Of Tranquility (FULL ALBUM)]**

[TPG-Lili]: It's by a band called Necrophorus.

[TPG-Lili]: It's okay if you haven't heard of them, they're pretty obscure.

[TPG-Raz]: That's cool.

[TPG-Raz]: Hey, check this out! This is hilarious!

[TPG-Raz]: **[External Link - YouTube: Cat barks likes dog and stops when caught]**

[TPG-Raz]: It's cat whose trying to get the dog in trouble by barking! :D

[TPG-Raz]: Can you believe a cat can bark?

[TPG-Lili]: Well like I said, I'm listening to music so I can't really watch videos right now.

[TPG-Raz]: Wait, here's another good one!

[TPG-Lili]: Raz are you listening right now?

[TPG-Raz]: **[External Link - YouTube: Fat guy falls off trampoline]**

[TPG-Raz]: LOL imho :)

[TPG-Lili]: I'm audibly groaning IRL right now.

[TPG-Raz]: Don't bother reading the comments tho, for some reason they're all arguing about communism and whether the moon landing happened.

[TPG-Raz]: I don't know why.

[TPG-Lili]: Raz, please.

[TPG-Raz]: Ooh, wait! I got another one!

[TPG-Lili]: Uuuuggghhh

[TPG-Raz]: **[External Link - YouTube: Evolution of Dance]**

[TPG-Raz]: This guy's a REALLY good dancer!

[TPG-Lili]: Hey Raz, you wanna see a video *I* found?

[TPG-Raz]: Lay it on me, Lil-Lil!

[TPG-Lili]: **[External Link - SnuffIsEnough: Russian gangster beaten to death by Canola Family mobsters.]**

[TPG-Lili]: Go ahead and watch it! It's _hilarious!_

[TPG-Raz]: Watching now.

[TPG-Lili]: Wait! Don't!

[TPG-Lili]: Raz seriously don't watch that video

[TPG-Lili]: Raz I was angry and annoyed so I did something REALLY stupid. You aren't gonna like that video.

[TPG-Lili]: Please don't watch it.

[TPG-Lili]: Raz?

[TPG-Lili]: Raz?

[TPG-Lili]: Raz! Say something!

[TPG-Raz]: I watched the video.

[TPG-Lili]: Oh no

[TPG-Lili]: nonononono please no

[TPG-Raz]: lili

[TPG-Raz]: why?

[TPG-Lili]: I am so, so, SO sorry!

[TPG-Raz]: I don't wanna watch videos anymore.

[TPG-Lili]: Are you okay?

[TPG-Raz]: I'm gonna be okay.

[TPG-Raz]: I just... I need a minute. Okay?

[TPG-Raz]: I need to get myself together.

[TPG-Lili]: You're not crying right?

[TPG-Raz]: yeah

[TPG-Lili]: oh god

[TPG-Lili]: please no

[TPG-Lili]: I'm so sorry

[Norman (OP) is no longer AFK]

[NormanOP]: Hey guys!

[TPG-Raz]: Norman! :D!

[TPG-Lili]: Hey Norman!

[TPG-Lili]: Thank God you're here.

[TPG-Raz]: Nooooorm! :D

[TPG-Lili]: It's so, SO great to see you Norman!

[NormanOP]: Hey hey! What's this? This is new. :O

[NormanOP]: Nobody's ever this happy to see me. It's nice! :)

[NormanOP]: Did something happen while I was gone?

[TPG-Lili]: You don't wanna know.

[TPG-Raz]: Yeah, seriously.

[NormanOP]: Oh, yikes.

[NormanOP]: So what's going on besides that?

[TPG-Raz]: Well me and Lili showed up early and we were waiting for everyone else and before it all went horribly wrong we were sharing funny videos.

[NormanOP]: Like what?

[TPG-Lili]: oh lord, no

[TPG-Raz]: Check this out!

[TPG-Raz]: **[External Link - YouTube: Cat barks likes dog and stops when caught]**

[NormanOP]: Ha! He's trying to get the dog in trouble! :D

[TPG-Raz]: I know, right?! :D

[TPG-Lili]: This is karma, isn't it?

[DPines (OP) is no longer AFK.]

[MPines has logged on]

[DPinesOP]: Hey everyone.

[MPines]: Hiiiiiii everybody~~~ :D :P

[NormanOP]: Hi guys!

[TPG-Lili]: yo

[TPG-Raz]: Hi Mabel :)

[MPines]: Hi Raz! :)

[TPG-Lili]: ..."Hi Mabel :)" ?

[MPines]: Hi Lili :p

[MPines]: Hey guys! :D Guess what! :o

[TPG-Lili]: Why would you say hi to her specifically, Raz?

[TPG-Lili]: With a smiley face?

[MPines]: Me and Dipper are posting from the SAME ROOM right now! :D

[DPinesOP]: Heh, yeah :P

[NormanOP]: Neat.

[TPG-Raz]: Super cool!

[MPines]:** Yeah! :D**

[TPG-Lili]: Why did you say "Hi Mabel" with a smilely face like it's a big deal she showed up Raz?

[TPG-Raz]: Lili, please.

[NormanOP]: Uh, guys?

[DPinesOP]: Norman, Dude, stay out of it.

[TPG-Lili]: Nonono, I wanna know.

[MPines]: Uhhhh whats going on? :/

[TPG-Lili]: Raz.

[TPG-Raz]: Lili.

[TPG-Lili]: Tell me.

[TPG-Lili]: Why did you make a smilely face at Mabel and say hi to her by name when she showed up?

[TPG-Lili]: Is this what you do when I'm not around?

[TPG-Lili]: You just say "hi" to other girls and send them smilely faces?

[TPG-Lili]: HUH?

[TPG-Lili]: IS THAT WHAT YOU DO?

[MPines]: ? O_O

[TPG-Raz]: ...

[TPG-Raz]: ANYWAY, Mabel, as I was SAYING

[TPG-Raz]: I wanted to thank you for showing me that funny cat video. Y'know, the one with the cat barking?

[MPines]: Oh yeah! That's a great one! :D

[MPines]: He thinks he's dogs! XD

[TPG-Raz]: Yeah XD

[TPG-Lili]: ...

[TPG-Lili]: Oh.

[TPG-Lili]: You were just trying to thank her for showing you the barking cat?

[TPG-Raz]: Yes. Lili.

[TPG-Raz]: I was thanking Mabel for showing me the video of the funny cat.

[TPG-Lili]: Oh.

[TPG-Lili]: Sorry, Raz.

[TPG-Lili]: Sorry Mabel.

[MPines]: It's a-okay Annie May! :D

[DPinesOP]: See? Aren't you glad you stayed out of that?

[TPG-Lili]: Shut the hell up, Dipper.

[NormanOP]: Hey Raz, Lili, Mabel, I just gotta remind you guys next time you have something personal like that it's better to do it with the PM system, okay?

[NormanOP]: That goes for everyone in the chat, though. You hear that guys?

[NormanOP]: Private/personal conversations go in PMs instead of the main chat.

[TPG-Raz]: I read 'ya loud and clear!

[MPines]: Me too! :D

[TPG-Lili]: Ugh, fine.

[NormanOP]: Remember the official IRC channel rules, everyone!

[NormanOP]: /rules

1. No fighting, flaming, personal attacks or trolling of any kind! If you can't be civil in the chat, you can be rude somewhere else.

2. Conversations of a personal/private nautre should be handled in the PMs only. Not in the main chat. We don't need to see your dirty laundry.

3. All channel owners must be present before

4. The forbidden one's name shall not be spoken. Less his ornate ears translate the vibrations of your earthly speak into ancient unknowable tounge, awakening him and destroying the bond between the world of the living and the unknown fleshscape that lies beyond the walls of our reality.

5. No spam/advertising. This is a chatroom, not a billboard.

[NormanOP]: Just try and remember these and we'll all get along just fine.

[DPinesOP]: Well said, Norman!

[TPG-Lili]: Gaaaaaaaaay!

[TPG-Raz]: LILI!

[MPines]: oooooohhhh O:

[DPinesOP]: Hey! D:

[TPG-Lili]: Haha! What?

[NormanOP]: Okay. Lili?

[TPG-Lili]: Norman.

[NormanOP]: Strike one. Okay?

[NormanOP]: I posted the rules right there and in less than five seconds you broke the first one right away.

[NormanOP]: I can and will mute/kick you from the chat if I have to.

[TPG-Lili]: Tch, go right ahead and try.

[TPG-Raz]: Lili, please. Come on. This is supposed to be a nice time. Can you just follow the rules, please?

[TPG-Lili]: Grrrr...

[TPG-Lili]: Fine.

[TPG-Lili]: But only because YOU said so. Not because HE said so.

[NormanOP]: I don't care why you follow the rules. Just follow them.

[You are now viewing a private conversation between TSG-Lili and TSG-Raz.]

[TPG-Lili]: God, I can't stand Norman right now.

[TPG-Lili]: "Nyah! Look at me! I'm so high and mighty! Remember to obey muh IRC rules everyone!"

[TPG-Raz]: Lili, please. These are our friends here. Try to be nice, okay?

[TPG-Lili]: I can't help it, Raz. I'm not nice. Especially when people are acting like jerks.

[TPG-Raz]: Norman doesn't mean to upset you. He's just trying to keep the chat civil because it means a lot to him.

[TPG-Raz]: And it means a lot to me too. So just be nice, okay?

[TPG-Raz]: Just act like you do when we're alone. Okay?

[TPG-Lili]: Ugh

[TPG-Lili]: Okay.

[TPG-Lili]: Sorry for upsetting everyone.

[TPG-Lili]: And I'm REALLY sorry for showing you that snuff video.

[TPG-Lili]: Seriously, that's probably one of the worst things I've ever done.

[TPG-Raz]: Awww man, I already forgot about that ):

[TPG-Lili]: Oh SHIT

[TPG-Lili]: Sorry...

[TPG-Raz]: It's alright. I forgive you.

[TPG-Raz]: Just be nice, okay? :)

[You are no longer viewing a private conversation between TSG-Lili and TSG-Raz.]

[DPinesOP]: Well, with that out of the way, what's on the agenda for this meeting, fellow mystery hunters?

[NormanOP]: Nothing until Coraline shows up.

[TPG-Lili]: Uuugh, are you serious?

[DPinesOP]: Channel rules clearly state all OPs must be present before any official MK-Club discussion can begin.

[TPG-Lili]: Grrrr...

[TPG-Raz]: That's fine. We can just talk about stuff until then.

[MPines]: Like what? :I

[DPinesOP]: Did any of you guys catch last night's episode of The Walking Dead?

[TPG-Lili]: No.

[MPines]: Nah :I

[TPG-Raz]: Nope.

[NormanOP]: My dad's too cheap to pay for cable. I've never seen a single episode.

[DPinesOP]: WHAT?

[DPinesOP]: Norman, YOU haven't seen the Walking Dead?

[NormanOP]: Not really, no.

[DPinesOP]: Oh dear lord, that's the worst thing I've ever heard.

[DPinesOP]: I'll get you the boxset for Christmas.

[DPinesOP]: Norman you HAVE TO see this show.

[NormanOP]: Alright.

[DPinesOP]: Tch, "alright."

[DPinesOP]: You have no idea what you're in for, dude. This will change your life!

[TPG-Lili]: I'm still bored.

[MPines]: Hi Still Bored! My name is Mabel! :D

[TPG-Raz]: lol XD

[NormanOP]: heh

[TPG-Lili]: It wasn't that funny :(

[DPinesOP]: Yeah, seriously. :/

[MPines]: Oh come on, grumpy-pants! It was hysterical! :)

[TPG-Lili]: Yeah, about as hysterical as getting attacked by a Candiru fish.

[DPinesOP]: What's a Candiru fish?

[WLovat has logged on.]

[TPG-Lili]: It's a type of predatory tropical fish that crawls inside your urethra and spreads it's boney spines out to tear away at the flesh.

[TPG-Raz]: OH GOOD LORD D:

[MPines]: Ewwwwwww DX

[WLovat]: W-wha...

[WLovat]: What the heck is going on?

[WLovat]: I've been here two minutes.

[NormanOP]: Hey Wybie!

[MPines]: Wybieeeee! :D

[TPG-Raz]: Hey Wybe! :)

[WLovat]: Oh no. no no no.

[WLovat]: You guys aren't getting around this one.

[WLovat]: What the heck was with that fish thing?

[TPG-Lili]: It's called the Candiru fish.

[WLovat]: I don't need the name, I need the context.

[WLovat]: Why are you guys talking about genital fish?

[DPinesOP]: Sorry you had to read that, Wyborne.

[DPinesOP]: A **CERTAIN SOMEONE** hasn't been on her best behaviour today and the whole chat is suffering for it.

[TPG-Lili]: Oh, pfft.

[NormanOP]: Dipper, I'm gonna have to ask you not to egg her on. Okay?

[TPG-Lili]: Yeah, Dipper!

[NormanOP]: Strike two, Lili!

[TPG-Lili]: You can't see it right now, but I'm rolling my eyes at you.

[WLovat]: Lili, come on girl, that's not you.

[WLovat]: I know you, Lili. I know you girl.

[WLovat]: Lili, girl, come on. You know you're better than that.

[WLovat]: Be nice, Lili. Be a nice girl.

[WLovat]: You're a nice girl, Lili. Be nice.

[WLovat]: Be a nice girl, Lili.

[TPG-Lili]: Are you broken?

[WLovat]: Sorry, I'm helping my grandma clean the house so I can't really focus on what I'm typing very well.

[WLovat]: BTW guys I'm helping my grandma so I might not be able to talk too much.

[TPG-Lili]: Wybie won't be talking? It's a friggin' miracle.

[DPinesOP]: Yeah, seriously.

[NormanOP]: Amen!

[MPines]: Awww, stop being so mean to Wybie! ):

[TPG-Raz]: It's not mean, it's just the facts. That kid talks WAY too much. I mean, you have to tune him out just to get through lunch.

[MPines]: Well I mean...

[MPines]: That's not...

[MPines]: Well yeah. That's true.

[MPines]: He is a HUUUUUUGE loudmouth :/

[WLovat]: So you guys know I can still read everything in the chat, right?

[MPines]: Yes. :p

[TPG-Lili]: Duh.

[TPG-Raz]: I was kind of hoping you'd read it and reevaluate your life, actually.

[WLovat]: Wow! Hurtful!

[WLovat]: I'm gonna go help my grandma now. If you guys wanna stop acting like jerkwards come call me.

[NormanOP]: See I don't feel good about that.

[NormanOP]: But it HAD to be said.

[TPG-Lili]: Yeah, this was his intervention.

[TPG-Raz]: Poor kid had to hear it from someone.

[MPines]: Hey, I ask a Wybie-question?

[TPG-Lili]: Go ahead. Shoot.

[MPines]: Is Wybie black?

[DPinesOP]: Oh my god Mabel you can't just if people are black

[TPG-Lili]: He's more brown... ish

[TPG-Lili]: I mean if he's black it's definitely deluded a bit.

[TPG-Lili]: Heck, for all we know he could be white and he's just tan or has a weird complexion.

[DPinesOP]: That's stupid.

[DPinesOP]: Why would Wybie be white?

[NormanOP]: Oh my god Dipper you can't just ask why people would be white.

[NDowne has logged in.]

[NormanOP]: Oh Neil! Hi!

[NDowne]: Sup, Norm?

[DPinesOP]: Hey Neil.

[MPines]: Hiiiii Neil~ :D

[TPG-Raz]: Good evening, Neil!

[TPG-Lili]: Hi Neil! :)

[TPG-Raz]: Heeeey

[TPG-Raz]: You freaked out when I sent Mabel a smilely face. ):

[TPG-Lili]: Hey! HEY!

[TPG-Lili]: DO *NOT* SEND ME AN ANGRY SMILELY

[TPG-Lili]: THAT'S OVER THE LINE, RAZPUTIN

[TPG-Lili]: WE'RE LOVERS

[TPG-Lili]: WE DON'T DO THAT TO EACH OTHER

[TPG-Raz]: Okay chill

[NDowne]: So guys

[NDowne]: I'm at Salma's house right now, using her computer

[NDowne]: So she's like, reading over my shoulder right now.

[NDowne]: And even though I've told her all about you guys

[NDowne]: She hasn't actually gotten to meet most of you

[NDowne]: So this is you guys' first impression with her

[NDowne]: So could you PLEASE not act all crazy or weird while I'm in here?

[NDowne]: I'd like my girlfriend not to think my only other friends are mental patients.

[TPG-Lili]: Ugh, sorry.

[NormanOP]: wait

[TPG-Raz]: We'll be good.

[NormanOP]: Did you just say girlfriend?

[MPines]: Sorry, even though I didn't do anything ):

[DPinesOP]: Hey, maybe she could make a fine addition to the ol' Mystery Kids roster!

[NormanOP]: Neil did you just say girlfriend?

[NDowne]: It's fine, guys. Just be cool. Okay?

[CJones (OP) is no longer AFK.]

[NormanOP]: Hi Jonesy!

[MPines]: Hi Jonesy! :D

[NDowne]: Hi CJ. Nice to see you.

[TPG-Raz]: Jonesy! :)

[CJonesOP]: Are you kidding me?

[CJonesOP]: I thought Wybie was the only one who used that stupid nickname.

[CJonesOP]: Is everybody gonna call me Jonesy?

[DPinesOP]: Hello Coraline.

[DPinesOP]: It's very good to see you. All of us have been waiting for you.

[CJonesOP]: Thank you, Dipper.

[CJonesOP]: It's very nice to see you too.

[CJonesOP]: Lilian, I notice you haven't said anything.

[CJonesOP]: What's the matter? You aren't happy to see me?

[TPG-Lili]: Oh I'm sorry, _Caroline._

[TPG-Lili]: I knew you were there. I felt a cold chill up my spine when you logged on.

[CJonesOP]: Nice to see your wit's still as dull as ever, Lilian.

[TPG-Lili]: Sorry Jonesy, but I'm not really interested in talking with you.

[TPG-Lili]: You see, rule #1 of this chatroom forbids trolls, flames and insults.

[TPG-Lili]: And since you're basically the living incarnation of all three, I'll have to avoid speaking with you.

[CJonesOP]: You don't have to explain the rules to me, Lilian. I helped write them.

[CJonesOP]: I had _you_ in mind.

[NormanOP]: Okay, I have to step in before this gets any uglier.

[NormanOP]: The normal chat rules don't apply to PMs.

[NormanOP]: So if you really need to argue, go ahead and get it out of your systems there.

[NormanOP]: Guys?

[NormanOP]: You still there?

[TPG-Raz]: I think they took you up on your offer, dude.

[DPinesOP]: Yeah, I'm seeing some activity in the PM feed. Lots of it. They're definitely fighting.

[MPines]: Awww, that's sooo stupid. :|

[MPines]: I really hate it when they fight.

[TPG-Raz]: Norman, look, Lili's a tough firecracker but between you and me? She can still be pretty sensitive sometimes.

[TPG-Raz]: So if Coraline ends up really hurting her feelings

[TPG-Raz]: I'm gonna beat her ass and then move on to you for letting this happen.

[NormanOP]: Uhh...

[TPG-Raz]: "Uhh" nothing, dude! I don't even let band-aids hurt her.

[NDowne]: ONCE AGAIN

[NDowne]: My girlfriend is reading this chat

[NDowne]: So PLEASE don't act like animals

[NormanOP]: Neil did you really just say girlfriend?

[NDowne]: YES NORMAN

[NDowne]: I'M DATING SALMA

[NDowne]: OKAY?

[NormanOP]: oh my god

[NormanOP]: I have no idea what to say...

[NDowne]: DON'T SAY ANYTHING, THAT'S BEEN THE PROBLEM.

[WLovat]: Mulatto.

[TPG-Raz]: Huh?

[TPG-Raz]: WTF?

[MPines]: ? /:

[WLovat]: You guys wanted to know whay my skin color was.

[WLovat]: It's mulatto.

[WLovat]: Half black, half white.

[WLovat]: Dad was white. Mom was black.

[NormanOP]: That makes sense.

[DPinesOP]: But why bring it up here? We were talking about that like twenty minutes ago.

[WLovat]: Sorry, like I sad I'm real busy helping out my grandma, so it's hard for me to keep up.

[WLovat]: Jonesy show up?

[NormanOP]: Yeah, but we're still waiting for her to finish "talking" with Lili.

[WLovat]: Uh oh

[You are now viewing a private conversation between TSG-Lili and CJones.]

[CJonesOP]: YOU THINK YOU'RE SUCH A TOUGH BITCH DON'T YOU?

[TPG-Lili]: I DON'T THINK NOTHIN', YOU FUCKING BITCH! I'LL _PROVE _HOW TOUGH I AM WHEN I DRIVE DOWN TO PINK PALACE AND SMASH YOUR JANK-ASS FACE IN

[CJonesOP]: OH? WHAT'S THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF SOME DUMB LITTLE BITCH MAKING DOLPHIN NOISES

[TPG-Lili]: AWW, DID I HURT YOUR WHORE FEELINGS?

[CJonesOP]: HOW ABOUT I WRAP UP A KNUCKLE SANDWICH FOR YOU AND DELIVER TO YOUR FACE?

[TPG-Lili]: I WILL SMACK YOUR FACE OFF OF YOUR FACE

**Hacker's Note: **I couldn't. I just couldn't. There was about six more pages of this stuff. This was the _tame_ part of the convo. My father was a sailor and he never said anything as bad as these two little girls said to each other. Think of a certain word that rhymes with "bunt" and repeat it 900 times while two pitbulls fight and you've pretty much got the rest of this log.

[You are no longer viewing a private conversation between TSG-Lili and CJones.]

[DPinesOP]: Apparently they've been going at it for like ten minutes now.

[DPinesOP]: Annnnnnnnd they're still going.

[NormanOP]: Yikes.

[MPines]: Man, I hate it when they fight. :\

[MPines]: It's like

[MPines]: They have so much in common.

[MPines]: They both like gardening.

[MPines]: They both like being mean.

[MPines]: And sometimes they get along great.

[MPines]: Why can't they just be friends? S:

[TPG-Raz]: I hear 'ya loud and clear, Mabel.

[TPG-Raz]: I'm sure they'll wear themselves out eventually.

[TPG-Raz]: Y'know, like bears.

[WLovat]: Man

[WLovat]: This is some f'd up s.

[NDowne]: Is the meeting gonna start yet or what?

[NormanOP]: Well Neil

[NormanOP]: Probably not until Lili and Coraline stop arguing.

[NDowne]: Alright, s'cool.

[CJonesOP]: Uh

[CJonesOP]: Hey guys.

[WLovat]: Jonesy!

[CJonesOP]: Hi Wybie.

[NormanOP]: Hey Coraline.

[TPG-Raz]: Where's Lili?

[CJonesOP]: You should, uh...

[CJonesOP]: You should probably just PM Lili, Raz.

[CJonesOP]: Because I'm not going to.

[TPG-Raz]: Doing that now.

[CJonesOP]: Oh god

[CJonesOP]: I have a lot of regrets

[DPinesOP]: Jeez, that bad huh?

[NormanOP]: Aw, Coraline...

[CJonesOP]: Yeah, I uh...

[CJonesOP]: It's like

[CJonesOP]: Have you ever been really, really mad at someone?

[CJonesOP]: Like, seeing-red, blind rage kind of mad?

[CJonesOP]: And then when it's all over, you feel really, really bad about what you said?

[CJonesOP]: And you instantly wanna apologize

[CJonesOP]: But you're still kind of mad at that person

[CJonesOP]: And you KNOW they wouldn't accept it

[CJonesOP]: And you know they have a right not to?

[WLovat]: What the heck did you do to her, man?

[You are now viewing a private conversation between TSG-Lili and TSG-Raz.]

[TPG-Raz]: Lili?

[TPG-Raz]: Lili?

[TPG-Lili]: Go away, Raz.

[TPG-Raz]: Lili you know I can't leave you alone when you talk like that.

[TPG-Lili]: I don't wanna talk right now.

[TPG-Raz]: I can't just leave you crying.

[TPG-Lili]: I'm not!

[TPG-Raz]: I know when you're crying, Lili.

[TPG-Raz]: I can feel it.

[TPG-Lili]: You can?

[TPG-Raz]: I'm sure you felt it too when I was crying a minute ago, just a little.

[TPG-Raz]: It's this weird, awful tingley feeling and I instantly know you're upset.

[TPG-Raz]: It's the worst feeling in the world.

[TPG-Lili]: ...

[TPG-Raz]: Tell me what happened.

[TPG-Lili]: Me and Coraline fought really bad.

[TPG-Lili]: I thought my skin was thick enough for something like this, but I'm in pieces right now.

[TPG-Lili]: It got really bad.

[TPG-Raz]: You want me to kick her ass?

[TPG-Lili]: No, no.

[TPG-Lili]: I said some really mean stuff to her too.

[TPG-Lili]: I dished it out as bad as I took it.

[TPG-Lili]: But I don't know if it's the things she said to me or how much I worked myself up or if I just feel guilty for the way I acted

[TPG-Lili]: But right now I'm just a mess

[TPG-Lili]: And my feelings are really hurt

[TPG-Raz]: I'm so sorry.

[TPG-Raz]: I wish I was there so I could give you a hug

[TPG-Raz]: And tell you everything is gonna be alright.

[TPG-Lili]: I'll be fine.

[TPG-Raz]: Is there anything I can do?

[TPG-Lili]: You don't have to do anything.

[TPG-Raz]: I want you to feel better.

[TPG-Lili]: I just need you here.

[TPG-Raz]: :)

[TPG-Raz]: Hey

[TPG-Raz]: I'm sorry if this is out of line, but I have a question

[TPG-Raz]: Does all "cybering" have to be sex?

[TPG-Lili]: Uh...

[TPG-Lili]: I dunno, I guess not...

[TPG-Raz]: Then maybe we *_could* _try it! Eh?

[TPG-Lili]: WHOA

[TPG-Raz]: Hehehehe ;p

[TPG-Lili]: ohgoshohgoshohgoshohgosh

[TPG-Lili]: Don't toy with my emotions dude I ain't in the mood

[TPG-Raz]: I'm dead serious

[TPG-Raz]: If you can promise it won't end in sex

[TPG-Raz]: I will cyber with you right here.

[TPG-Lili]: Right in the PMs? Behind everyone's backs?

[TPG-Raz]: ;)

[TPG-Lili]: oh my gosh! oh my gosh! oh my gosh!

[TPG-Lili]: Okay okay okay

[TPG-Lili]: Scenario: we're on a beach somewhere in Miami, right?

[TPG-Raz]: Can I swim in this scenario?

[TPG-Raz]: Did we like, break the curse?

[TPG-Lili]: Well I mean I guess

[TPG-Lili]: It's really just an excuse to get us in our bathing suits.

[TPG-Raz]: Bathing suits?

[TPG-Lili]: Well of course

[TPG-Lili]: You in a pair of swim trunks, me in a cute two-piece with a little skirt at the bottom.

[TPG-Raz]: oh boy...

[TPG-Lili]: Don't chicken out now dude, I really, REALLY need this

[TPG-Raz]: (gulp)

[TPG-Raz]: Alright, let's do it

[TPG-Raz]: Metaphorically speaking...

[TPG-Lili]: Okay, so

[TPG-Lili]: We're on the beach, the sun is setting, I'm laying on top of you, gazing deeply into your eyes...

**Hacker's Note: **I'm sorry, I know you clearly and said "collect ALL data" but I just couldn't bear this. Even for a Frenchmen, it was too much. What the hell is in the water that's making kids grow up so damn fast? I mean, these kids are getting more action than I am! It's horrible. Girls are hitting puberty at like ten now! TEN! Anyway, it escalated quickly and long, horrible story short I can't afford to have this on my hard drive with all the other illegal shit on there. So I had to cut it all from this point.

[You are no longer viewing a private conversation between TSG-Lili and TSG-Raz.]

[WLovat]: I don't think they're coming back.

[NDowne]: Do you think they're alright?

[MPines]: I hope so ):

[MPines]: They've been quiet SOOO long DX

[CJonesOP]: Somebody should check on them

[CJonesOP]: Not me, obviously

[CJonesOP]: That's a minefield I'm trying to avoid

[NormanOP]: Dipper, could you like I dunno, PM Raz or something? Make sure he's okay?

[DPinesOP]: Why do I have to do it?

[NormanOP]: Because I asked YOU dude.

[DPinesOP]: Ugh, fine.

[You are now viewing a private conversation between TSG-Raz and DPines.]

[DPinesOP]: Raz? Everything alright?

[TPG-Raz]: I rub my hand across your silky smooth cheek and part your beautiful red hair, I gaze deeply into your hazel eyes so radiant and glowing I almost weep

[DPinesOP]: UHHHH

[DPinesOP]: UHHHHHH

[DPinesOP]: UHHHHHHHH

[TPG-Raz]: DIPPER?

[DPinesOP]: RAZ!

[TPG-Raz]: WHAT THE HELL MAN

[DPinesOP]: I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!

[TPG-Raz]: THAT WAS FOR LILI

[TPG-Raz]: GET OUT OF HERE

[DPinesOP]: SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

[You are no longer viewing a private conversation between TSG-Raz and DPines.]

[NormanOP]: Is everyone alright, Dipper?

[DPinesOP]: IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE

[DPinesOP]: WE'RE ALL FINE

[DPinesOP]: EVERYTHING'S FINE

[DPinesOP]: HOW ARE YOU?

[MPines]: Oh!

[MPines]: Oooooh!

[MPines]: I know what they're doing~ ;P

[NormanOP]: MABEL!

[CJonesOP]: OMFG

[MPines]: Hehehehehehehe

[WLovat]: Maaaaan we're all still in here!

[WLovat]: Couple of savages, those two.

[NDowne]: Okay, what the heck is going on?

[NDowne]: You're all laughing, Salma's laughing

[NDowne]: Is there some in-joke I'm not in on?

[NormanOP]: Neil

[NormanOP]: Just shut up, okay?

[CJonesOP]: Seriously though, no one interrupt them.

[CJonesOP]: Let's face it, she's been needing this BAD

[MPines]: Yeah, I know it's probably wrong to say this

[MPines]: But that bitch needs to get LAID, big time /:

[MPines]: Even if it's just pretend.

[NDowne]: WHAT?

[NDowne]: IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING?

[NormanOP]: Well

[NormanOP]: This has been a goddamn disaster.

[DPinesOP]: Ah! Language, Norman. Remember rule 2!

[NormanOP]: Dipper, dude, shove it up your butt man.

[NormanOP]: There's no saving this convo.

[NormanOP]: Let's try again next week.

[Norman (OP) is now AFK.]

[DPinesOP]: Uhhh

[DPinesOP]: Okay

[DPinesOP]: Guess there won't be a meeting then.

[CJonesOP]: I don't think we were ever getting one tonight anyway /:

[WLovat]: Man

[WLovat]: Y'all some crazy n****s

[CJonesOP]: OH

[MPines]: O:

[DPinesOP]: D:

[NDowne]: **WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?**

[CJonesOP]: WYBIE NO

[WLovat]: What?

[WLovat]: I can say it. I'm black.

[WLovat]: Kind of.

[NDowne]: NOBODY CAN SAY IT

[NDowne]: IT'S A SLUR

[WLovat]: Whoa, look at the white dude telling me what I can and can't do.

[WLovat]: Now THAT'S racist.

[NDowne]: My _girlfriend _is black you idiot! And _she's reading right now!_

[WLovat]: Oh

[WLovat]: Well that complicates things a bit.

[NDowne]: DO YOU REALIZE *I'M* THE ONE WHO GETS YELLED AT OVER THIS?

[NDowne]: HUH?

[WLovat]: Sorry, Neil...

[NDowne]: DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT EVEN THOUGH YOUR USE OF INSENSITIVE, RACIALLY CHARGED LANGUAGE IS AN ATTEMPT TO RECLAIM IT, YOU ARE ULTIMATELY HARMING YOUR SOCIAL GROUP AND PROMOTING INTERALIZED RACISM BY USING IT?

[WLovat]: What the hell are you talking about?

[NDowne]: I DON'T KNOW, SALMA TOLD ME TO SAY IT TO YOU

[WLovat]: I can see I caused you a lot of problems, I'm sorry. I'll just be going now.

[WLovat]: Sorry Neil. Sorry Salma.

[WLovat has logged off.]

[TPG-Lili]: Could you idiots STOP pinging the main chat for a second?

[TPG-Lili]: I just got this little prude to take his trunks off and I'd like to enjoy the moment please.

[DPinesOP]: WHAT?

[MPines]: OOOOOHHHHHHHH

[CJonesOP]: Uhh...

[TPG-Raz]: She's kidding! Hahahaha!

[TPG-Raz]: It's a joke! A joke!

[TPG-Raz]: Hahahahaha!

[TPG-Raz]: I gotta go now!

[TPG-Raz has logged off.]

[TPG-Lili]: NO

[TPG-Lili]: DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT

[TPG-Raz has logged on.]

[TPG-Raz]: OH HEY ONE LAST THING

[TPG-Raz]: LILI, I HAVE THAT IMPORTANT DOCUMENT YOU WANTED

[TPG-Raz]: IF YOU MSG ME ON SKYPE, I CAN GIVE IT TO YOU AND WE CAN PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF

[TPG-Raz]: OKAY?

[TPG-Lili]: Oh thank god

[TPG-Raz]: HAHAHA, YES!

[TPG-Raz has logged off.]

[TPG-Lili has logged off.]

[NDowne]: I ask you guys not to be weird.

[NDowne]: I ask you guys not to act like idiots.

[NDowne]: I ask you guys not to make a bad impression.

[NDowne]: You had one friggin' job.

[NDowne]: Fuck all of you. Seriously.

[NDowne has logged off.]

[MPines]: Awww, Neil ):

[CJonesOP]: This went bad so fast.

[DPinesOP]: Aw, Jeez...

[DPinesOP]: We really messed things up for him, didn't we?

[NDowne has logged on.]

[NDowne]: Hey,

[NDowne]: Salma told me to apologize.

[NDowne]: She said she didn't like hearing me cuss at you and that even if you're all weird and dumb

[NDowne]: You're still my friends.

[NDowne]: and I agree with her.

[NDowne]: I'm sorry, everyone.

[NDowne]: Me and her have to talk now.

[NDowne]: See you guys next week.

[NDowne has logged off.]

[MPines]: Awww, Neil :)

[DPinesOP]: Well

[DPinesOP]: At least the night ends on a high note.

[CJonesOP]: Are we really gonna do this again next week?

[CJonesOP]: This was awful. Just awful.

[DPinesOP]: I mean, we can't do much worse.

[DPinesOP]: As bad as they might get, they won't be worse than tonight.

[CJonesOP]: Well I mean you've got a point, I guess.

[MPines]: Yeah...

[MPines]: Welp, momma Mabel's got a long day of pimpin' rides and crackin' wise ahead of here

[MPines]: Night b-words!

[MPines has logged off.]

[DPinesOP]: So...

[DPinesOP]: Looks like we're the only ones still on.

[CJonesOP]: Looks like it.

[DPinesOP]: So, uh

[DPinesOP]: Well, y'know

[DPinesOP]: Since there's nobody here but us, there's something I wanna ask you.

[CJonesOP]: Hit me.

[DPinesOP]: Are you doing anything Friday night?

[DPinesOP]: Like, hanging out with friends or going somewhere or something?

[CJonesOP]: I don't have anything planned. Why?

[DPinesOP]: Well, I mean...

[DPinesOP]: If you're not doing anything

[DPinesOP]: And I'm not doing anything

[DPinesOP]: Maybe we could do something together?

[CJonesOP]: wow

[CJonesOP]: okay

[CJonesOP]: it took some serious guts to come out and just say that

[CJonesOP]: Kudos, Dipper.

[DPinesOP]: Sooo is that a "yes"?

[CJonesOP]: That's a "try asking me again when I'm in a better mood."

[CJonesOP has gone AFK.]

[DPinesOP]: Oh man

[DPinesOP]: Dipper you friggin' idiot

[DPinesOP]: What the hell were you thinking?

[DPinesOP]: Just coming out and asking her that?

[DPinesOP]: You're such a friggin' idiot

[DPinesOP]: Listen to you, talking to yourself on an outdated chat client with no one in it.

[DPinesOP]: I need to get my life together.

[DPinesOP]: Ugh.

[DPinesOP has gone AFK.]

[-X-]

From: XxXBloodySquito69XxX

To: Gideon Gleeful

Gideon,

Enclosed you'll find the entire chat log from last night's IRC meeting of those "Mystery Kids" you hate so much. Aside from two little oversights, all data has been collected and archived for later use. I have no idea what you could do with this crap, but I trust your twisted, evil little mind.

Thanks for the $30 an hour and two Panera bread sandwiches a day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

NEED SOME INFORMATION? NEED SOME DATA GATHERED? OR REMOVED? NEED SOME DIRT ON SOMEONE? JUST NEED SOMEONE HACKED? CALL XxXBloodySquito69XxX FOR ALL YOUR DIGITAL FIXER NEEDS!

1-555-SQUITO OR **[Email Withheld**] !

Disclaimer: Anonimity/Privacy not guaranteed! Standard rates apply. You don't need to tell me if you're a cop. I'll find out on my own. ;)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[-X-]

From: Gideon Gleeful

To: XxXBloodySquito69XxX

Oh no! We ain't done yet Mr. Squito! This data's great and all, but it's not nearly enough! I need some dirt that'll bury those dang Mystery Kids once and for all! I need you to monitor every meeting, every communication, every single LETTER written in that chatroom! I want enough info to crush those little weasles once and for all!

Love, Lil' Gideon.

PS.

Next time there's some hot action between Raz and Lili goin' down, don't cut out before the good part, okay? It's not like you aren't already doing a hundred other illegal things.


End file.
